When the In-Laws are Crossing the Line


Maybe they phone every single day, or several times a day. Maybe they come over every day, or maybe they are going so far as to critique the way you cook, the clean, and the lifestyle that both you and your groom to be or husband have chosen. All too many brides have ‘in law’ issues which always involves the in laws crossing the boundaries and interrupting a newly wedded couple’s life.

If you feel that your in-laws are crossing the line, you do have to definitely say something; otherwise you risk a life ahead of critical comments and overbearing behaviors. But how do you even approach your in-laws about this’ You don’t want to anger them or chance making the situation worse.

Level 1 In-Laws: The Overly Inquisitive

Some in-laws mean well, but they also ask too many questions as a result. If you find that your in-laws are continually asking you about when you are having children, when you are going to buy a house, how much you make, how often you do the laundry and so on and so on, then it’s time to kindly sit them down and ask them to ‘butt out’. Approach the subject by inviting them over to your house or out to lunch, and then bring up the subject of both you and their son needing to figure things out more before they can share them. You’re still in the process of planning your lives out together; once you both know what you’re doing, you’ll let them, the in-laws, in on it.

Level 2 In-Laws: The Aggressors

This level of in-law won’t be so easily tamed with some nice conversation. They are the type who come over unannounced, will sit on your couch, and will change the house rules to be all about them. So you had a program you wanted to watch at 4 o’clock ‘ tough luck! They also ask many probing questions about a couple’s life, and even as far as, what one bride has told us, when she ‘ovulates’ so the mother-in-law could try to plan a baby shower.

Meet up with your in-laws outside of your home and tell them that they need to call before coming over, that there are house rules that need to be followed, and make it clear (as nicely as possible) that this is your home and that you deserve respect.

Level 3 In-Laws: The Abusers

These in-laws are downright awful. You will hear complaints about how you didn’t sweep a certain area, how the home is dusty, how your career is pitiful and how you should be having children by now. These in-laws are incredibly opinionated and they really don’t seem to give a darn about what you have to say about it.

If the above steps for the other level of in-laws have not worked on a level 3 in-law, it may be time to threaten taking away their visitation rights ‘ this includes if and when any grandchildren are born. Some in-laws just need a bit of a time out so that they can realize that their son is no longer their baby and that they are no longer in charge of his, or your, life.

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Categories: Budget and Basics